Getting Started
The initial hurdle into any new type of play with a partner is The Talk. Trying new things as a couple always starts with a conversation. A threesome doesn’t have to be just a fantasy. If this is something you and your partner want to do, it can totally happen! Communication is the most important part of this experience within your relationship. Set ground rules ahead of time that both of you are comfortable with. A safe word is also useful to use incase either partner is beginning to feel uncomfortable during the experience.
Choosing A Third
When you are single, the pressure isn’t as hard as when you are a couple when it comes to choosing a third person. Both partners should definitely be comfortable and in agreement on the person they are adding to the mix. Avoid anyone either of you had a strong relationship with in the past, whether you dated or were just close friends. An acquaintance that you are both attracted to would be a great option. Websites like sites like Fetlife and 3nder can help you find someone as well.
How To Ask The Big Question
Whether your third person is someone you already know, or they are someone you found online, ideally you should ask in person. Ease into conversation and gauge their interest. It is important to be straightforward when actually popping the question, though. You always want to be clear about your intentions to make sure that everyone is on board. All parties involved should have STI testing done ahead of time.
Setting the Date
They accepted your invitation, congratulations! Planning a time and place should be your next step. Many couples enjoy threesomes in their own homes, the home of the third person, or in hotels. There are benefits to each location, and you should choose wherever the majority feels comfortable.
What to Bring
Condoms! Even if participating partners are on birth control and STI free, condoms offer an added precaution. Condoms should ALWAYS be used once and changed between partners and penetration points to avoid infections. A water-based lubricant is also an important thing to bring along. Vibrators, dildos, and even strap ons, are also great to pack, which many people might not realize. All toys should be wiped down between partners to avoid spreading germs.
After You Finish
It would be wise to plan your ending before you start. Decide with your partner what you would like to do post-play. This can be anything from an immediate goodbye to a sleepover. You should also make clear what your wish for communication and friendship will be post threesome. You might choose to go your separate ways or to continue and possible have another! It is all up to you and your partner.
Cultural & Social Notes promoting Sexual Positivity
REMINDER
A note about gender and sexual fluidity: Nothing is usually set in black and white. Like life, gender and sexuality come in all variations (the "50 Shades of Grey" title makes a little more sense now, right?) There are many people who don't identify as the gender most often associated with their personal sexual organs. A person may also be straight, gay, or anywhere on the spectrum in between. If you would like to learn more about gender and sexuality terms, Arnold Zwicky has a wonderful guide HERE